Covid Diary: January -April
This might be a short memoir of my life during COVID pandemic. I’m starting this quite late, the confirmed cases have touched 1,2m people by today (4/5). But well, better than nothing! Older entries are compiled from scattered notes from my notebook or narrated from the photos I took.
- The night is when we can see through the transparent layer of the air and learn that there are bigger things existing far earlier and longer
- I almost only take photos with a retro filter now. It just feels more sentimental, like the exact depiction of memory inside my brain. They’re the extension of my past exactly as they happened, dengan bubuh perasaan. Normal photos feel rather cold.
Recurring themes. Do they recur or do I just disregard fresher concepts because the old ones are becoming home?
- Sarang laba-laba
- Bunga matahari
- Luar angkasa
A journal is a record of phenomena as reflected in a certain state of mind, as filtered by retrospective perception, as blunted and distorted by our inaccurate and creative memory. What’s written is limited by our instrumental boundary, confused by our biases, imbued by our wishes. And thus emerged a personal reality. Subjective, but whose reality isn’t?
- SHIT I’M SO DEAD
- We made snow baby yesterday. SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICESPIALIDOCIOUSLY CUTE
- Kon kerja yang bener napa. Belum berusaha 100% juga. KERJAIN DULU MENGELUH KEMODEAN
- obrolan hari ini: parasite, capitalism, social disparity, labor value, partai, main boneka, ahok
- HARI INI LIAT SALJU DERES BAGUS BANGET
- minum kopi sO I’M FEELING LOUD (it’s 1.43 am)
A bit frustrated. Gotta create.
IT’S A BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL DAY. We’re still in the middle of the outbreak but SK is recovering. Cheongju cases never reached an alarming rate, so I feel quite safe? People still go out and about with their everyday lives.
It’s the 4th day of spring. I went to the lab for 3h and explored the school a bit. I hiked the hill behind the hospital, listened to the birds, read a book, ate chocolate, and listened to music there.
Then my phone died so I walked again and lingered on the track field. I used the fitness machines and people-watched for a bit, then I moved to the bench. Here I am now, writing and sunbathing. It’s 3 and I haven’t had my lunch (barely had breakfast too TT). I should go back home but I don’t want to leave. I want to take pictures but I guess it’s good to have my phone out of my mind and just live in the moment like this sometimes. If I just see people here exercising, playing and having a great time with their family (still not a recommended behavior during ongoing pandemic tbh), it’s hard to believe that we’re constantly battling adversities now. COVID, natural disasters, capitalism, mental health problems, and whatnot. It’s just an unbelievably beautiful day. I’m glad they told me to go to the lab. Otherwise, I’d just waste away laying down on my bed, doing unproductive things till the day ends yet again (still a favorite pasttime nevertheless). I’m loving the sun. You can’t see it but the sun shines from my back, forming a silhouette of my hand on the paper now. It looks like a cloud, cumulonimbus. Bahagia. How could I go home on such a beautiful day? I want to wait until sunset.
Hari ini produktif! Hidup lagi.
First urban exploration. Jalan-jalan ke sculpture park di kota. Bawa PR karena keliatannya ada bangku dan kursi, tapi masih dingin banget salah pake baju TT
Expanded my mental map on the city, saw some new wholesome corners I should’ve been familiar with long before my 8th months of being here!
열 받아. Hidup seperti roler koster sekali ya sedetik hari terbahagia, sehari melepas kangen, sehari marah sampe pengen lempar-lempar barang dan nangis. Tapi aku sudah besar kok jadi banting-banting barang dikit aja. Agak puas gitu kalo disalurin jadi tenaga.
- Happy, it’s spring!
- Placid, bingung kerjaan hari ini apa
- Alert, siap bekerja!
- Happy, keluar makan, it’s beautiful outside
- Upset, ditinggal ngopi
- Marah dan ngerasa bego, salah bikin larutan
- Nyesel kenapa dibuang
- Sedih, reading tweets about COVID victims
- Weird, I was angry and sad but I was astonished at how alive I am, such that I’m brimming with negative emotions like that, while others have turned into voids with a shape of them
- Sedih, mikirin nakes ikhlas mati setiap berangkat kerja
- Kinda lonely
- Terharu, berterimakasih, dibilang gapapa masalah larutan, and the song on play was so nice, cried a bit. Aku tuh ga bisa dibaikin sore sore 🥺🥺🥺
Selasa! Muter kampus lagi. Menemukan bahwa CBNU itu lumayan bagus (kecuali gedung aku), dalam artian banyak bangku, pohon, jalan kecil, dan bukit terpencil yang ga bermanusia dalam radius 100m. Ada ayunan juga.
I used to be disappointed that my campus doesn’t have a legit small forest, tapi kayanya itu mah Daegu Univ aja yang pencilan dan melambungkan ekspektasi.
What I learned about myself:
I’m volatile, especially with coffee • Most of my extreme emotions are connected with shame. But I’m only often embarrassed because I’m embarrassing. 어쩌. Deal with it qon • I want people to be ethical, no appropriate laugh about lives at risk ma’am! I won’t laugh with you! • I’m freaking slow. But isn’t that living in the moment? Savoring each experience mindfully? Only if I do.. • My usual food intake doesn’t support daily afternoon walks :(
On another note, loving the budding cat-buddyship with my lil bro.
I got fed up with COVID updates last week but I’m kinda numb about it now. Already accepted it as the new normal I guess. How do people live in endless turbulence? How can people be expected to adapt to new reality every other blink of the eye? It’s mad, kinda iffy, weird because it’s historical and we got to look back to such a huge momentum in human civilization, disappointing that the gov’s been deadass hell-bent on throwing us all under the bus, upsetting for all the unfairness, sad for all the lives lost. And I don’t even have it bad. Shincheonji made it scary for a moment but SK stepped up their game and now my life goes on pretty much unscathed here. I’ve been conflicting about how to feel, am I not too cynical and pessimistic for how well I’m faring? Am I qualified to feel? But what is the world now but a single big aquarium? We’re all living vicariously through the internet, we all have people we’re worried about. You know what, it’s the first pandemic for most of us, it’s normal to feel whatever we feel about it.
Later, the living might end up with an updated gene pool (selective pressure has never been this obvious), severely damaged healthcare system, irreparable distrust to authorities (for some), and a crumbling economy. I’m thankful that I got to live a normal life for 26 years. I wonder what kind of normal we’d bounce back to. Praying for all the children, this would scar them in a way we wouldn’t have known. This is their life now. Whatever’s depicted in movies is history. Am I speaking too soon? I hope so!
Resting at home today, no photos, but I’ve been taking them a lot, of flowers, it’s the prettiest of spring. I’ve been enjoying the sun. I walked and explored a lot (very much alone. Cheongju’s so sparsely inhabited we practiced physical distancing before it was cool). Despite everything, I’m quite content and happy these days. Ah, we had an online gathering today. Tbvh, social distancing is my default comfort zone, but it’s nice to get out of it sometimes, the rush isn’t bad at all.
Reading with this view today.
I was determined to romanticize the hell out of the spring by reading under the flower, having a picnic or whatever but it got freaking cold since last week, I’m dying TT
Agak malu mengakui bahwa aku panic buying /// I did it quite early in the pandemic, I wasn’t informed enough about the systemic impact of panic buying so I didn’t hold back at all. Untung kebanyakan warga lain masih berakal sehat jadi ekonomi SK ga terguncang. My problem is I consumed too much post-apocalyptic themed entertainment to actually face a pandemic. To my shame, my preconceived notion was unrealistic and self-centric (no apparent functioning economy nor society in movies to make a room for communal consideration!). I was thinking of those people waiting in a bunker for 20 years till a disaster pass. Jadi aku beli beras 20 kg, jamur kering, ikan kaleng, pasta, saos pasta, kacang-kacangan, bumbu, msg 1 kg (salah, kirain katsuoboshi ternyata kaldu rasa katsuoboshi), mi, konjac sponge, pembalut reusable, makanan beku, snail essence 2 karena lagi diskon, dan banyak pokoknya. Kekhawatiran aku adalah harga naik, terlalu banyak transaksi dan kontak kalo beli dikit-dikit, dan delivery service ga jalan lagi. Jadi aku melepas kekang nafsu konsumtif dan membiarkan dia ambil alih akun online shopping smh. Kalo bisa juga mau beli toner 1 drum siapa tau industri skincare kolaps karena tidak esensial. Ternyata alhamdulillah kondisi membaik. Supermarket selalu buka dan menyediakan bahan lengkap sampe aku masak makanan segar terus instead of makanan bunker karena lebih enak he :|
Hikmahnya adalah karena aku punya banyak bahan jadi bisa bikin jenis makanan yang lebih bervariasi tiap hari (ampe bingung tiap mau masak, the possibilities are overwhelming :0), dan aku punya beras sampe lulus lel.
P.s. Katsuoboshi itu tipis dan bervolume banget. Dulu punya 50g, plastiknya ukuran sekilo. Udah takut 1kg katsuoboshi boksnya serumah eh yang dateng msg. Terkutuk dan terberkatilah reading comprehension korea aku yang kacau.
Popkon!! 너무 이뻐
Kenapa aku lebih kedinginan dari winter TT cape bertermogenesis.
Halo cucu-cucuku! I meant to write this memoir for my grandchildren so maybe it’s time to greet you all? I’m 25 now, still far off from having an offspring let alone grandchildren, but won’t it be cool to have your grandparents talk to you with their young blood still running? Tbh I like to think that I have grandchildren because that supersedes the facts that I got married, am probably fertile, and everything went well enough mentally, financially and everything for me (and mayhaps environmentally too) to have/adopt a child or two, and the same goes for them. Newsflash, we have a pandemic, 2 volcanoes erupt today, democracy is a gimmick, RGB light on gadgets is hip (for geeks), and gut microbiome field was just born (it’s super exciting!). Here’s a playlist of my ultimate favorite songs. Indonesia’s a mess but it has the best food and the prettiest poems. How is it now in the future? School’s just a formality but you need to nurture your curiosity and freaking read! I can’t even begin to imagine what the history book is like in your era. Life’s crazy but that’s all we got. Good luck and I hope I’m still there to read this with you! And to my child(ren), of course I love you. Yes, already. I hope y‘all exist and are having a good time.
In a reptile-ish state. I’m rather cold-blooded now, literally. While enduring the cold to enjoy the only free hour I have to enjoy the spring for the past 2 weeks, my thermogenesis screws seem to get loose. I finally had my first face-to-face class in the semester and I was shaking like hell in class. I even feel cold under the sun and the temperature was only idk, 14oC? Once I vasocontricted so hard I sprained my neck (???), and my head feels really tight when the wind blows just a little. I’m still wearing my usual winter armor tho, except for legging, and I‘ve lived through temperatures below zero. So why??? My skin got hella dry too such that I have rashes all over my limbs now. Is it diabetes??
Even happier today because of the sun! Aku selamat, suhu sudah naik sampai 19oC TT
Kasus aktif baru terhitung kemarin hanya 8 orang di SK, alhamdulillah. Things are quite grim outside tho. Singapura kecolongan 942 kasus positif dalam sehari dan kini menjadi negara dengan kasus positif terbanyak di ASEAN. Kasus positif di Amerika Serikat menginjak 735,366 orang. It’s hard to comprehend such big numbers in terms of headcount. I can imagine 3000 people, that’s the capacity of Sabuga in ITB. But 10,000? How many people is that? 10,000 for sure, but how many? And you’re telling me there are 8 billion people in the world? Unbelievable. So many bones, and strands of hair, and eyeballs, and cells, and fates, thoughts, stories, and fingers, it’s immensely overwhelming. There are give or take 16 billion living eyeballs on the earth’s surface. How do I deal with this fact??
On another note, I said it’s fine to feel whatever we feel about the pandemic since it’s the first for some of us. But I listened to this podcast titled “It’s OK to feel overwhelmed. Here’s what to do next” by Elizabeth Gilbert that proposed that it’s not a good thing to be overly empathetic such that other people’s pain made us devastated. It’s fine to limit our exposure to bad news. The world’s still running and we’ll take turns shouldering the burden. I kinda agree with that. The time will come for us and we shouldn’t be debilitated prematurely by pain that isn’t ours. We need to maintain our sanity and zen level to be the strength for people who need it now. I don’t know if I can be anyone’s strength but I think it’s best for my parents to at least see that I’m doing fine here. Less problem to think about when things aren’t looking very well around them. So I’m spacing away my exposure to the news now. I used to feel so guilty about it but it’s okay now. Everything’s not okay, still praying for all healthcare workers and susceptible people, but it’s okay. I got you, Qon.
Bingo buku 2020
Kesalip buku-buku lain mulu yg lebih praktikal tapi kurang menyenangkan heu. Baca 2020 sejauh ini masih kurang nendang.
Mau ampe sepanjang apakah diary ini? Tenang April akan segera berakhir.
Btw I seriously can’t trust Korean car drivers in general because of the prevalence of drunk driving cases (low or high, doesn’t matter, doesn’t worth taking the chances). I know that most Korean would mind their driving ethics, but how do I differentiate them from the unpredictable crazy ones? I just assume that they’re out to hit me until proven otherwise. I’m originally a super cautious road crosser. I believe that death is predestined, but not amputation and incapacitating injuries, and it is in my best interest not to get hurt. Anyways, in Indonesia, I’ll immediately cross the road after the light turns red. Here, I need to make sure that the first 2 cars really stop so that if anyone still wants to kill me, I already have my car shields ready. Crossing the road’s a mental battle I fight with my imaginary drunk drivers everyday, hyuh *lap keringet*. 오늘도 살아 있어 :D
Karena sudah mulai puasa, waktu istirahat bisa dipakai untuk tidur siang!
Hari ini subuh jam 4.05, buka jam 7.17 wagwag.
Hidup YOLO adalah beli pizza when you want it!
Cherry blossoms' over quite a while ago. It’s still spring but it started to get hot already. April’s gone in a rush. Ga kerasa banget. Things are changing in the lab. I cut mice tails a lOT, but no killing again so far. I still can’t sleep early and that makes things difficult for me during sahur. Covid19 has gotten very calm now in SK. I eat strawberries a lot these days. I’ll eat as many as I can before strawberry season pass. I ate 4 kurma for sahur and they nourished me pretty well? I felt as energetic as when I eat a whole bowl of rice! Ntap.
Dasar aku maruk, I just joined a Dutch lang learning WA group. Tapi harusnya mumpung di Korea aku belajar bahasa Korea aja dulu ampe bener?? Trus gimana dengan Prancis yang udah paling jauh Duolingonya?? English juga masih kudu diasah apalagi speaking??? And most importantly since I’m a bad speaker in general, bakal lebih manfaat dan praktikal kalo bahasa Indonesia aku yang masih belibet dan ngaco ini dirapihin dulu??? Tapi mumpung ada kesempatan buat belajar Belanda, kan sekalian :( Emang manusia banyak pengen heu.
This is the last entry of April. Reading outdoor is not so nice anymore now. The bugs are coming. No news from me today. I’m jusy pretty content these days? I’m kind of a happy person again. This used to be my on-coffee state, being sensitized, reactive and ecstatic about things. That’s becoming my default state now, but only the good stuff, no silent tantrums and mentally throwing and breaking stuff when I’m disturbed just a little. I think my brain loves not only the nature’s regrowth, but also the sitting activity outdoor. I’m rediscovering myself as an inert outdoor lover. Tbh I’m inert everywhere. I just love to sit and fiddle on my phone, have snacks maybe, jot down thoughts on my notes and doodle on rare days, indoor or outdoor. Now I love my bed but the bushes hit different. You know how in The Sims the plants have some environmental points which basically just means they’re aesthetic and sims loVE those things and they make them happy? That’s me right there (what do I do without The Sims to teach me how to be human tbh). Idk if I’ll still sit outside in summer tho. Tar serangga-serangganya nempel di kulit aku yang lengket berkeringat.
2020 April ends in a good note for me, personally. Nyayens membuat weekend aku seru. Masih ga pede sama suara dan omongan aku, tapi jadi semangat buat memperbaiki itu. Oiya, puasa taun ini lebih baik-baik saja dari taun kemarin, yay! Also, it’ll be my favorite month of the year in a few hours. 좋아 좋아. See you in May Covid Diary!
P.s. There aren’t many days left to say this so lemme just I’M TWENTY FIVE!!!